Thursday, January 12, 2012

It's Time To Stand Up For The C.I.A.

by Hobbert Ryde

      If you've followed Sycamore Three for a while, as I have, you'll notice that Goofy is -- as he puts it here -- "very hard on the CIA." 

       I tell you, I waded through that post -- and others of his -- and my eyes just glazed over.  It was about 50 percent goofy history, 50 percent goofy politics, 50 percent really goofy philosophy-and-religion, and about 100 percent TOO LONG.

       He acts like he has carefully researched everything and blah blah blah forever.  Read it if you must, but you'll be neck-deep in garbage, so let me do you a big favor and save you a lot of time and unnecessary mental strain.

       Everything you need to know about the CIA is right here, courtesy of me. I've done a little research too, by the way, so let me just mention a few things.

       I happen to have read every Jack Ryan novel that Tom Clancy ever produced, and I have a pretty good memory:  Jack Ryan was CIA, buddy, and that's really all you need to know.  And I'm talking about the real Jack Ryan here.  The first one, the President of the United States of America, if you recall from Executive Orders, which I do, and I don't mean his little kid Jack Junior who shows up in the Teeth of the Tiger.  (Now don't get me wrong.  Cathy Ryan was all right.  I'm just saying:  they can't make 'em like the Old Man.)

       I'll never forget Air Force One, how Harrison Ford played Jack Ryan kicking the -- I'm just going to say it, and I hope Ima Gine doesn't find out -- Jack Ryan kicking the Living Hell out of those lousy terrorists all the way from the Black Sea to Bermuda, saying "Get off my plane!"  My gosh, just thinking about it is like reliving history!  I can remember every bit of it like it was yesterday.  Man, oh man.  Kids today, what do they know.  Hell, what can they know.  It's a shame.

       And you know, all that happened two years before 9-11.  I only have one regret.  I only wish that when it came to be George W. Bush's turn, he would've been on that United Flight 93 with Todd Beamer saying "Let's roll!"  I tell you things sure would have been different.  But I know I'm being unfair.  Things can't always turn out the same.  And besides, George Junior wasn't CIA like his old man.

       Oh well.  I'll tell you something I frankly can't understand, and it's about Goofy.  Honestly I don't think he's evil, per se, if you know what I mean.  But he's just about as stupid as forever.  Let me give you four known facts, and you do the math.

       Fact one.  I know for a fact that Goofy likes Ronald Reagan.

       Fact two.  Tom Clancy dedicated one of Jack Ryan's books to Ronald Wilson Reagan.

       Fact three.  Jack Ryan stands for the USA.

       Fact four.  Jack Ryan is CIA.

       So how can Goofy not like the CIA?  What's not to like?  He's some kind of geek and can't connect four dots??  How long should that take?

       Well, I don't have all day.  It's time to pull a Hank Snow and be movin' on, if you know what I mean.  It's time to stop thinking and start figuring things out.   And that's just what I've done.

       Fact Five:

       The CIA needs our help, because even they have an Achilles heel, if you know what I mean, and here it is:   They can't stand up for themselves because they'd be violating National Security.   They're counting on us to realize this and stand up for them! 

       The clock is ticking.  It's high time to stand up for the CIA.

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