Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Freedom of Speech, D--n Right!

by Hobbert Ryde

       Mr. Goofy over at Sycamore Three couldn't get it right to save his life.  I was going to say, "to save his soul,"  but Ima Gine would probably get upset.  (She hasn't discovered my blog yet, but she might some day.  Well, there goes freedom of speech right there, if you ask me.)  And she's probably right.  There are some things that are sacred, like remembering to use the right words not to offend anybody.

       So Goofy had this goofy post -- what else could you expect? -- about the "Outlook For The New Year,"  a title which he blatantly both plagiarized and stole from Paul Craig Roberts who wrote an article at the same time about the exact same thing as he did.

       So Goofy has to pull the "credentials card," as I like to call it, and tell us that Doctor Roberts (probably nothing more than a Ph.D or a chiropractor) has "political credentials," like this means we should listen to him.

       Everybody seems to think that three letters makes a credential.  Like PHD.  Like CPA.  (Heck, even like Ima Gine when she goes on and on about MRS.  Sometimes, I think it's PMS.)

       So, you want credentials?  I'll tell you the kind of credentials that impress me.  Here's one with your precious three letters:  F.B.I.

       Ring any bells?  I thought so.  Everybody knows about the F.B.I.  Some people also remember that it was founded by the greatest living patriot and true American of our time, and his initials happened to be J. Edgar. Hoover.  Capishe, comrade?  Now there was a man's man, and if you don't believe me, you can ask Clyde A. Tolson.  

       Everybody, and I mean everybody, loved that man as if he was the Lord's right hand.  Every president from Wilson to Nixon counted on him to protect our freedoms, and every G-man (yes, I use that term proudly) was a Special Agent to him.  They loved him and he loved them in return.  They would walk on water for him.

       I'll tell you who didn't love him though.  Two kinds of people.  Communists and panty-waists.  He had their number; he really did!  And he'd go after them and lock them up.  Heck, he even locked up that draft-dodging socialist Eugene V. Debs, and threw the key away.  He didn't pussy-foot around.  Heck, I'll bet you Eugene V. Debs would still be behind bars today if he hadn't been pardoned by that pantywaist president Warren G. Harding.  (Who died a couple of years later, incidentally, so a lot of good that did him.)

       And meanwhile J. Edgar Hoover kept going strong for the next fifty years, keeping America safe, strong, and free.  You didn't mess with him, no sir.  And the F.B.I. is still strong today.  It's probably never been stronger.  You want a door kicked down, they can do it.  And they don't need a warrant from some liberal judge, either.  I tell you, I think it's a shame the way the liberals think they can run this country,  I really do.  But then, they've never sacrificed to defend our freedoms the way the F.B.I. has, every blessed day.  This might seem extreme of me, but I don't even think they even care.

       Oh, I know if Robert Heid could get a word in edgewise, he'd bring up the anti-draft protestors and peace-niks like Helen Keller and the Mennonites, like he was making some kind of a point about World War I being a bad idea.  But what he won't tell you is that he's making my point for me.   Hey, I'm good with that.  Because here comes the key, which you have never realized before. 

       What do they all have in common?  Can't guess?  Give up?  Can you spell German?  Can you spell who were we fighting?  The elephant in the room, if you know what I mean, is that there were millions of Germans living in this country.  As farmers, no less.  Can you spell immigrant?  Can you spell control our food supply?  Did you know that they controlled whole states?  Can you spell North Dakota?  Can you spell Bismark?  I didn't think so.

       So here's to my version of freedom of speech.  I have the God-given right as a God-given American to tell any immigrant I want to to get on the next boat and go back where you came from, and I don't really care if you've been here two hundred years.

       And you can call me extreme, but I'll tell you right now that our Sixteenth President, a man of real courage, who single-handedly saved the Union, yes, Abraham Lincoln, told the Africans that very thing, and if he has the right to do so to save our precious Union, so do I.

       I stand proudly with Abraham Lincoln, the greatest president the United States ever had, and the greatest president the United States ever will have.  He brought the Ship of State right through the dark storms of the Civil War, safe into New York Harbor right under the Statue of Liberty beside the Golden Door.

       How about that, Mr. Heid?  Bet he won't answer.  Bet he can't.


       Oh, don't worry.  I've got plenty more to say.  But he'll just have to wait.

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For fun, this was